Are you hooked on the life changing new show or did you discover the book last year like I did?
As I was faced with every nook and cranny of my home full to overflowing I found Marie Kondo’s book THE LIFE CHANGING MAGIC OF TIDYING UP. Talk about perfect timing, fate, God giving me another chance…whatever you want to call it. I needed help and this book inspired real change and hope for me.
I am still working on my journey but this was one of my yard sales last summer. I sold a lot of clothing that I had been keeping for way too long.
Clothing is by far my biggest clutter and hardest to part with. I grew up being teased and bullied for my size and lack of money even though I really wasn’t out of the realm of normal size or in extreme poverty. This emotional trauma manifests in me buying a mountain of clothing, feeling like I always need more as I try to feel pretty, in style or worthy of positive attention. I tried to fill this emotional void of self-worth and fear of financial scarcity in the wrong way. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with why I think and behave the way I do.
It is hardest to part with the items already in my home because I have somehow emotionally invested in those items way more than most logical people would. It has been hard to stop myself from shiny pretty … squirrel … it’s cheap/on sale impulse buying.
My need for a simpler, cleaner, less cluttered home motivates me. I made the rule that I sort through what I have and decide if there is anything I need to add. If something catches my eye at the store, I already know if I need it…or if it is just a spur of the moment want. If I really want to take it home with me, I have to decide to get rid of 1 or 2 similar items and know which items will go before I make that purchase. Sometimes just walking around the store with it is enough time to see it is a shiny feeling for something new and I can put it back and not purchase it. I have gotten past the initial ooh…ahhh… moment and I can logically think if it really will truly bring me joy to own it or if buyers remorse would settle in soon. Sometimes taking that few extra minutes gives me the correct perspective. Just because I touched it, liked it, tried it on, put it in my cart doesn’t mean I have to have it. I can put it back. It is allowed and I will be ok.
Can I financially afford this item? Do I really need it? Do I want/need it more than what I already have serving that purpose? Will buying this 1 item help me purge unused or worn out items? (Reminder: I did say plural there.) Are there multiple occasions this item will be useful for? Will I realistically get the $ value out of it? Will it help me get more use from items I already have and add value? Am I really going to get the good feelings from having this item or am I avoiding some unpleasant feeling by trying to temporarily distract myself with this shopping/buying/aquiring/shiny/impulse moment?
Lots of questions to save me from the impulse buying I will regret and feel lousy about. Not thinking properly through purchases gave me a mountain of stuff that is overwhelming me. I didn’t deal with the uncomfortable feelings so I was just spending a lot of time and money putting glitter on something that needed to be addressed and worked on. Glitter is great but if you sprinkle it on something rotten, the smell and grossness still exist and leak out everywhere. The more you try to hide it, the worse it will get because you are just adding more bad feelings and garbage to the pile.
Feelings helped me create my mess so I need to address my feelings as I work on cleaning up my mess. If I have too much stuff and unaddressed emotional baggage, it doesn’t matter how many storage units I try to hide it in or trucks I fill, it is still mine and I need to deal with it. It is a heavy weight upon my heart, mind and soul.
It is constantly nagging feelings of failure. If it is in my thoughts negatively, it comes out in my behaviour. I was trying to keep my mouth shut but I still lashed out in frustration and impatience. I wanted to feel better quickly so I did things that were temporary fixes but caused even more pain in the long run. Others may have hurt me, but I don’t have to let them win by holding on to those feelings forever. I don’t have to hurt them in return and be just like them, or worse because I now know better. It won’t makebus feel like the score is even if we are constantly playing the payback and blame games.
I can change my story for the better. I can own my feelings and things. Instead of things and feelings owning me and my story. I can release stuff that I no longer need. I can release feelings that no longer serve me. I can say sorry to those whom I have hurt and own my mistakes. I can say thank-you what and whom has taught me the lessons I am learning. I still feel frustrated and all those uncomfortable feelings…but they don’t have to be the only feelings I concentrate on or avoid. I can choose the happier, healthier, simpler future that is more of what I want. I can sell or donate to let someone else enjoy having and using the clothing and things that I no longer need. Letting go of clutter and emotional baggage adds more value and joy to my everyday life than multiple shiny clutter items ever did. I don’t need fake quick fixes to detract me from my real purpose. I need to work on living the life that is true to me.
Tracey, GYST2020
GYST2020 
Leave a Reply